Slap Chop
Making America skinny again, one slap at a time.
“Stop having a boring tuna, stop having a boring life.”
Joe Chaput turned me onto this infomercial awhile ago (via the subsequent re-mix “Rap Chop”), but a conversation with someone today reminded me of this soon-to-be classic.
Like so many pieces of shit before it, it’s a ridiculous little kitchen gadget that will most likely break in a month or two. I would love to go on all the things morally and technically wrong with it, but I think we all know what those are. What really fascinates me is this Vince Offer character who is the pitchman. He is the same guy who did the enormously quotable ShamWow! infomercial and there is something definitely odd and intriguing about him. My first thought was bi-polar, sexual deviant – something Wikipedia sort of backed up.
I learned his real name is Vince Schlomi, born in Haifa, Israel in 1964. A filmmaker, he released a movie entitled Underground Comedy Movie in 1999 to unanimously bad reviews. The New York Times summed the movie up as “a series of sketches built around subjects like masturbation, defecation, alienation, urination, necrophilia, voyeurism, casual brutality, and mockery of the unfortunate.” When the movie didn’t sell, he made an infomercial to try and drum up interest, something that resulted in the sale of 55,000 copies of his opus. A natural salesman, with experience hocking things at flea markets, he saw the potential to sell more mainstream items through infomercials. This is where the ShamWow! came in. An extremely absorbant shammy is what it is, and Vince sold the shit out of it, becoming something of a pop-culture phenomenon.Now he’s on to the Slap Chop and it’s all over T.V., so I assume he’s making a boatload of money off of this as well. The only question is what’s next?
On a dark note, in February of this yea Vince was arrested in Miami Beach, Florida for felony battery of a prostitute. He claimed the woman “bit his tongue and would not let go”, so he struck her. All charges were later dropped.
Rap Chop
you’re gonna love my nuts.
i am a sucker from canada,,,,i ordered mine in
july, they did not process the order till sept, and what turned out to be 19.95 plus 7.95 for shipping and handling, when i got my amex, i was
charged 72.18 and i find it to be a useless piece of crap,,,,its not sharp enough, on the first 2 fast hard chops it only mashes everything and half of the stuff gets stuck inside,,,,they dont even have a fucking email addy to complain,,,and im not spending about 30 bucks to mail the fuckers back.
plus, i found it while i was waiting for the damn thing in a store in fargo n.d. for 19.95, i was on a weekend away, and had free duty limits.
i will never buy anything that whore fucker tries to sell again.
I still really want some shamwows!!
I personally like the slap my nuts remix
I think the best part is when he promises me’
“you’re gonna have an exciting life!”
All because I can chop an egg for breakfast.
well…you are in Merritt…
I’ll take 5 of those Butter on the Endive t-shirts if you throw in the “Graty” for free!!
Here’s another version
i haven’t watched tv in nearly two years. this past summer i had my american friend sytay with me off and on and he likes to watch sports. one evening as i returned home from work the commercial for this device was on the television and my guest insisted i watch. two seconds in, i remembered why it is i no longer watch television. tonight at work, as i chopped garlic and parsley and lemon rind, i accidentally began to daydream about owning the slap chop.